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Zen Gardner 2 Years Later, I Am Still Wondering

For anyone who cares about the truth regarding the sidelining and subsequent inquisition of Zen Gardner two years ago, please take the time to read the (complete) following open letter I sent to Bernhard Guenther regarding the whole issue. I feel it is important to understand what happened back then because it reveals the nature of many unsolved and unacknowledged psychological issues in so called truth communities which also plague society in general. WF


by Ole Dammegard

What happened in Iran changed his life. His entire world, his viewpoints and values were turned upside down and the emotional turbulence he experienced tore down his inner walls leaving him naked and vulnerable – like an open wound. After a tragic murder, the situation became unbearale for one of his Iranian friends, so he ventured everything to help him get away and together the mad a dramatic escape from Iran via former Soviet and East Germany in a desperate attempt to reach Sweden. This book is a true and emotional description of real people in improbable world full of conflicts. It opens doors and spreads light on another Iran, its people and also, not least, the political and social conditions in the country. It is permeated by passion and tension as well as human ideals such as non-violence, tolerance and love.

To preview the book click on the thumbnail below:


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Dear Bernhard,

I hope you are doing well. Maybe you do not remember who I am as it is already two years ago that we had some email exchange following the publication of some articles on your website regarding the coming out of Zen Gardner. But maybe you do remember.

Anyway, in one of your articles, you speak brilliantly about false resonance and refer to sincere self work:

“False resonating is mistaken for wishful thinking or based on (unconscious) projections or triggers. Sometimes, the false part within us based on conditioning, programming, and wounding resonates with something which we mistake for our true self, resulting in false resonance, or we reject the truth of something because it challenges deep ingrained belief systems we are identified with and hence “don’t resonate with it” because it brings up uncomfortable feelings… which also ties into cognitive dissonance….. In other words, honest sincere self-work is needed in order to detect the lies we tell ourselves and all the rationalizations and denial that come with it so we can get more and more in tune with our soul resonance/knowing.”

When I saw some pictures passing by of you, Max and Benny recently I couldn’t help wondering how much time you guys spent on self-reflection on how you dealt with the “Zen Gardner issue” that you launched on the internet and into the cosmos 2 years ago.

I also wondered in what way the grammar that you applied back then to come to the logic you then shared on the internet has changed and evolved into more knowledge and more in alignment with truth as time went by.

As Max stated on his YouTube channel to his followers back then: “We need a calm investigation before we go and have a lynching as any case needs a trial before a possible lynching and we have a lot of questions to be answered.” Besides the implementations of such an outrageous statement, I wonder in which phase that investigation is now, two years later, and how many questions have been asked and answered.

The lynching that Max referred to happened anyway and is actually still going on even though the whole thing helped many people with their personal healing process which might be outside of your range of vision. As emotions calmed down over time, proper reasoning set in which made introspective self-reflection possible and many people concluded that things were not really dealt with in an objective and responsible way.

People who really did care about the truth regarding the whole issue put real effort to get in touch with Don/Zen. They tried to establish that contact not only during the period that he was in the line of fire after all hell broke loose and could not meet up with ridiculous self-righteous deadlines, but also AFTER the insane tsunami of attacks passed by. They came to a very different perception of the reality than people who did NOT put effort in trying to get in contact with him.

Yours and others’ rhetoric on the internet back then served as a trigger for a lot of stimulus-response driven clicktivists to react in ignorant and immoral ways that caused a lot of harm. This is the main reason for me to write to you as this will not magically go away by itself or by deleting things online. The way this was dealt with and why this was extremely harmful, irresponsible and wrong needs to be faced, deeply understood and lived through, if evolving consciousness is truly intended and desired.

Ignoring unpleasant truths is one of the causal factors of why we do not see any significant improvements in the collective human condition we co-create by the behavior we choose with our Free Will. Realizing truth, so that we can align our perceptions and our actions with it, is most effective through an apophatic process. So, in the Zen Gardner case it is much more effective and powerful to address the things you and others did NOT do. Namely establishing contact with Don/Zen in REALITY. All justifications for not having direct contact or not engaging in determined efforts to try to establish real contact when things calmed down still do not change the reality that there was no direct contact one bit.

Truth does not waver ever, only our perception does. And it is our moral obligation to align our perceptions with truth so that our gained wisdom can manifest itself as moral right action. Moral right action would be something like the publishing of an expression of a changed perception on the D/Z reality due to evolving consciousness as a result of ongoing filtering of truth from lies. Because of the total lack of such a statement or expression, can I conclude that your perceptions on the way you dealt with the D/Z situation are unchanged like a rigid 19 hijackers narrative?

Does the lack of any such public expression mean that you consider most things you did, and more important did not do, were in line with truth, or that you still think you had the right to perform your actions in the way you did back then, based on the perceptions you then had? Or that your actions did not cause any harm to other beings?

Or do you consider you were in the wrong in any way with your actions and/or lack of action due to revised perceptions?  If so, it would be right to share this revised perception with all the people you shared your earlier rhetoric with.

If not, I urge you to read the assessment below by the late Dr. Paul Marko who shortly before his death felt the urge to serve the truth by giving his view as an expert on the subjects that surrounded the allegations levied against Don/Zen.

If a person who is considered to be a good, moral, loving, spiritual, creative, and inspirational brother overnight turns into an immoral, bad, hateful, evil and deceptive monster; can both of these opposite perceptions of reality be based in truth? No, it can’t because truth is unwavering, definite and objective. Our perceptions are not unwavering, and need to be aligned with truth as much as possible. That is our moral obligation towards the Universe.

Whether you like it or not, Don/Zen himself still is the embodiment of Truth regarding the whole issue, as he alone knows what did happen and what did not happen and how and why his consciousness perceived and manifested the realities at that time. He is the only true primary source in that respect. Excluding extensive study of primary source data and experience in the process of coming to conclusions leads not only to ignorance and confusion; it will lead to fallacious and feeble logic. Fallacious logic leads to harmful rhetoric/action because it is based in lies and deception. Primary source data and experience with the primary source of truth means direct contact with D/Z in this case. The time and energy spent in gathering, processing and assessing primary source data is directly proportional to the level of care to seek Truth.

Considered in that light; how much time and energy did you spend in trying to get in direct contact with Don/Zen in the years that went by to get more data that could lead you to evolve your consciousness…and thus more alignment of your revised perception of reality with truth? Back then the notion was brought up that soon evidence would pour to the surface and the truth will speak for itself. I did not see any evidence come up on sexual child abuse or any direct evidence of the kind against Don/Zen as of yet, but maybe due to your research and/or investigation as Max called for, you have gathered some. I am most interested in evidence-based information so please share.

The respective article you posted is deleted from your website. What does that mean? It does not stop the ongoing damage it caused. Is there not any change of logical reasoning as a result of weaving out more contradictions and inconsistencies? This fallacious processing of information again, as I referred to in my email from over 2 years ago, is the exact working principle of the mainstream media, used to mold the minds of the masses.

The extensive contact I had over the last 2 years with Don in which we spoke about his time in the COG and the whole aftermath it caused did not provide me with significant inconsistencies or contradictions in my reasoning from where I could change my perception of Don. On the contrary, I consider him still as one of the most genuine, compassionate, loving and honest human beings I ever met. The wisdom he applies to deal with this immoral, and unjust reality is remarkable, it confirms my perception of his being I had before all of this. I can only have deep respect for the way he uses his own traumatic experiences for self-work purposes to evolve his consciousness and be able to better serve humanity and the Universe itself.

But again, I am very interested in evidence based information that you gathered as a result of the articles you posted back then.

I myself, like most people, spent most of my life in cults. I served as a green beret in the Special forces in the military which is an ultimate cult of evil because it is entirely built on violence, abuse and trauma based mind control to engineer its members to engage in immoral and harmful behavior without being able to apply one’s own conscience. After that I was a member of another cult system for 21 years that willfully exposes its members to nerve gas components and other toxins which causes unimaginable harm and suffering. That cult is deeply involved in numerous other immoral activities and it took me more than 20 years to leave that cult and speak out against it. Most of its current members (about 10,000) know the reality but ignore it because they are driven by deep fear like in all other cults. That cult was a major airline company where I worked as a commercial airline pilot for 25 years.

A cult is a fear-based system of religious veneration and ego-devotion which espouses erroneous beliefs that are dangerous, especially to the lives, rights and freedoms of those who are NOT its members. What is your cult?

One of the most difficult, unpleasant, and important tasks for humanity to change the ever-deteriorating collective human condition is to become aware that our society in general is a fear-based cult system built on numerous sub-cults. Even more difficult but essential is our moral obligation to admit that we ourselves were duped and are part of a cult and that we were wrong. To dismiss a member of a notorious cult like the COG when speaking out, without even consulting in depth or even a second with him, is a clear indication of a deep lack of Self knowledge, Self respect, Self love and lack of wisdom. For me it was a confirmation of the absolute lack of spiritual responsibility and wisdom in so called awake communities. All the so called big shots in the “alternative truth cult” kicked their brother Zen Gardner and all associations with his work off the steaming square wheeled truth-train without having spoken one word with him. Another huge and precious chance for real change wasted all for the greater good of the “truth warrior” community that so much cares about its important responsibilities towards humanity. Well, most of humanity apparently.

But hey, who am I and what do I know? I do not have a brilliant way of speaking or writing. What I do know is the objective, definite difference between right & wrong behavior. Not because of my feelings, intuition, sense of resonance, or any other fluffy inter-dimensional expression of consciousness, but because of knowledge of the principles of the laws of morality. And the way you and others dealt with the Zen Gardner issue was wrong, immoral, spiritually childish and irresponsible.

I hope this will be dealt with, not for Zen, not for me, but for the Truth itself.


The Crucifixion of Zen Gardner

by Paul Marko, BS, M.Ed., Ph.D.

Up to this time, I have not weighed in on this subject because of the utter absurdity of the accusations, my feeling that his paid detractors would at some point be assigned new victims and my (perhaps irrational) belief that sanity about this subject would prevail. Unfortunately, up to this time, his renewed efforts to aid humanity as it passes through the roughest period in human history continues to be rebuffed and his leadership languishes muted under the persecution of individuals wishing to increase their stature by assaulting his reputation and eminence. Sadly, as Zen was being crucified by the dark forces that rule our world, I did not come forward immediately and offer my expertise and knowledge for his defense, I hope to remedy that situation now.

I am uniquely qualified as an expert on the subjects that surround the allegations levied against Zen Gardner. I have a Ph.D. in Psychology focusing in the area of consciousness studies and have done extensive research on the subject. Subsequently, I coauthored and edited an academic book on advanced stages of consciousness (ego) development. The book is called the Postconventional Personality (available at amazon.com). In addition, my work life includes 30+ years of experience as an organizational development psychologist. In this capacity, I worked extensively with personality type models to understand individual human dynamics as they interact with groups and organizations. This knowledge enables me to quickly diagnose and understand an individual’s patterns and tendencies as they interact with other people and the world around them. Most recently, as a psychologist and podcaster on the subject of understanding the ruling elites, I studied, in depth, the psychopathic personality. Because of this work, I feel I understand the psychology of the sociopath more than most other psychologists. My wife Mindy and I have also worked extensively with victims of pedophilia and satanic ritual child abuse. Three years ago we began researching and addressing these subjects in podcasts and during interviews. With our YouTube channel, pinecone utopia, we were one of the first to work with Ella Gareeve (Hampstead Coverup) in her battle to regain her children from the satanic cult, operating in Hampstead England. With this researched knowledge, academic credentials and first hand knowledge of the personality and behavior patterns of the person, Zen Gardner, I feel that I am uniquely qualified to opine on the subject.

If one is knowledgeable about the field of consciousness development or ego development, one realizes that rather than being an abyss of the great unknown, it is a field rich with scientific study, validated concepts and reliable research instruments (see the Postconventional Personality mentioned above). Building on the research of Jean Piaget, Robert Kegan and hundreds of models of development, both Eastern and Western, the field is anything but the perceived, woo woo, smoke and mirrors that most people think of when mentioning consciousness development. The reason that knowledge of this field and the vast research done within it is not in the public domain is because this information does not serve the interests of the controlling forces, in fact, it militates against their aims. As an expert on the subject, the most reliable instrument for measuring levels of consciousness (ego development) is the Washington University Sentence Completion Test.

Using this instrument, it is possible to determine the stage of development most frequented by the subject. Since it is a “sentence completion test”, the basis of the evaluation relies on written responses. After having done more than one hundred of these assessments, my conceptualization of ego level (a validated concept) is quite accurate. Also, since it is a written instrument, after in-depth experience with the analysis of recorded responses, I (and others with similar experience) am able to determine from written manuscripts the approximate ego (consciousness) level of the author. Reading the articles of Zen Gardner down through the years, I was consistently amazed at his ability to pen articles viewing the world from the highest perspective able to be accurately measured. A quick overview of the patterns of development might bring clarity to this statement.

When someone comes into the world, he or she begins at the symbiotic stage and commences forward. The symbiotic stage, as some might know, occurs when there is not real separation between the mother and the child. From this humble beginning the ego begins to separate and moves upward toward more sophisticated conceptualizations of themselves and the world around them. Beginning at the stage of development around age 2 or 3, where “NO” becomes their favorite word, the child enters what some models call the “self-protective” stage. During this stage, self-interest is the only concern and the concept of sharing or considering the wants or needs of others is foreign. I believe that this is the functioning level of the psychopath. As a champion in the field of ego development, Jane Loevinger, once stated that no government has ever operated above the self-protective stage. Obviously, as those awake realize, this is because all international governments are run by psychopaths.

Entering school at around the age of 6 or 7, the child moves up to a level of consciousness known in most models as the “Conformist” stage. This is where identification with sexual norms are imprinted, right and wrong becomes the value, conforming with group norms are valued (by the child) and dogma represents safety. Many individuals do not progress beyond this stage and remain at this maturity level until death. This developmental stage and the two stages above this view of reality are occupied by 85% of the ambient population. Meaning that this is the maximum developmental stage achieved in a lifetime for the overwhelming majority of humans during this time in history. This is not the end of the story, however, measurable stages exist above this range.

As someone moves higher in conceptualization of self and the word around them, the idea of self expands (empathizing with others as themselves) and increased sophistication of the notion of the world and their place within it occurs. Those individuals functioning on these higher levels are often misunderstood by most, since the range of perception held by any person is limited to one’s current level and perhaps one stage above. Zen Gardner, however, consistently authored pieces from the Unitive Stage. This stage of consciousness development exists 4 full levels above the average population, spreading wisdom from a more compassionate and broader perspective. Even with this handicap/advantage, his excellent skill at self expression has always allowed him to reach a vast swath of the population while continuing to observe life from this lofty perspective. Remarkably he has always been able to keep his sophistication vast while being able to inspire the seeker in all of us at all levels. For a psychopath to produce manuscripts with this perspective, in my expert opinion, it is quite impossible.

The link between psychopathology and pedophilia remains somewhat opaquely understood by the awake population, but hardly ever articulated. The psychopath exists as a person (?) unable to identify or empathize with humanity. In order to act human, the psychopath must study human emotions and try to ape these behaviors to appear as a normal human. Without compassion or empathy, the psychopath strives only to achieve his or her objectives without regard for anyone else or their wants or needs. It is difficult for me to imagine a pedophile, aware of the damage that they are doing to a child immediately and in the long range, that is not a psychopath or para-psychopath. A pedophile/psychopath must have only his or her sexual gratification in mind as these violations occur. A pedophilic relationship is never consensual (by definition) and involves superimposing one’s will upon another – in true psychopathic fashion. The mindset of those at higher stages of ego development precludes this from happening because of their strong empathetic bent.

The Unitive stage of ego development can be defined by two dominant characteristics, the expansion of self and the sophistication of their conceptualization of reality. As an individual ascends through the stages of consciousness development, the idea of self enlarges. From the primitive self-protective stage, where the human body is seen as one’s self through the conformist stage where identification with a group (boys or girls, children or adults) is formed, the ego continues to enlarge.

As one ascends to the higher stages, at first one sees his or herself as all people and then a bit further as all creatures on earth until at the Unitive stage, the self becomes universal in nature. With this expanded viewpoint the individual sees all as him/herself. He/she experiences the pain of the world in trouble, weeps when seeing someone or something in pain and senses happiness when he/she hears of anyone’s delight. In addition, with increased sophistication of the conceptualization of reality, a person with an expanded ego understands the limitations of language, sees the consequences (for everyone) of the actions of others as well as his/her own. In seeing the world through everyone’s eyes, a comprehensive picture of the unfolding of reality grants the experiencer great wisdom, great responsibility and at times great sorrow. This is hardly the reality experienced by the psychopathic pedophile.

As a developmental/organizational psychologist I can see that Zen Gardner with his advanced perspective, has grown through maturity, self reflection and examination beyond the dogmatic realm of most personality indicators. However, some insights into his personality can still be gleaned by looking at a one such model. Those knowledgeable of the Enneagram personality typing system can read Zen’s articles and immediately sense that he is a number 7, the Epicure. The Enneagram is a personality typing system that can be traced back thirty-five hundred years into antiquity. It is a system that has been used in many religious traditions both Eastern and Western and has allowed me to grant great insights to many with which I have worked throughout my career. This type 7 outlook gives him the natural propensity to transform fear into optimism, hopelessness into joy. His functioning in the Unitive stage on the consciousness model allows him, however, not to be trapped or ruled by this tendency, his compassion overshadows this pattern and allows him to be free to not only sink into deep understanding and feel compassion for the lowest, suffering being, but also allows him to find hope in the most hopeless of situations. In his personal journey through life, he has reached deep understanding and often articulated a vision of reality steeped in empathy and profound understanding that has been appreciated and a comfort to many. If one can understand today’s reality it can be easily seen why the elite psychopathic powers would want to put an end to this rare voice of hope and inspiration, by fabricating deceptions about his past.

My association with this wonderful being that calls himself Zen Gardner, has given me many gifts of insight and understanding that I could not have achieved otherwise. It is my wish that when one reads this article they can sense the missing created by the crucifixion of this amazing man who has been and could continue as God’s gift to humanity.


I wish you, and anyone who has read this, much wisdom in processing this information in order to come to a perception of reality that is more aligned with Truth.

With love,

Willem Felderhof

P.S.: For anyone interested Zen’s articles can be found on bornoutsidethebox.com

Written by:

Willem Felderhof

original article


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